"That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." - The Fault in Our Stars.
I haven't written in a long while and let me tell you why. Pain. Familiar feeling?
The whole experience of pain couldn't have been concluded better than this one quote i just mentioned above, at least according to me. Emotional or physical, pain demands to be acknowledged.
A few days back i had a minor accident and injured myself pretty bad. Most people cry when they get hurt, I on the other hand, looked at the worried faces of my friends and family and well my accident is now the laughing stock because of the way i tell about it to everyone! So did i successfully ignore the demands of pain to be acknowledged? I thought so. I went to college the next day and went about almost normally, as normally as someone with an almost broken ankle can go about. And then after a long looong looooooooooooooooooong and terribly painful day i came back home. By then my ankle was five times it normal size! And even then i did not acknowledge the pain. I did not cry. But then i went to change and i realised its going to be impossible for me to get out of my jeans! Good day to wear super skinnys huh?! And that is when i finally acknowledged the pain. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried my heart out for close to an hour while my mom told me that its fine that i am crying but it would be better if i at least came out of the bathroom and cried. It felt like i was crying because i was in such pain but i realised that i was crying more because of my helplessness. I recalled two other times when i sat on the bathroom floor and cried like that and both of those times were emotional pain. We categorise pain as physical and emotional but truth is both hurt just as much. Emotional pain even more if you ask me because your body heals on its own but most of us are pretty much clueless about how to heal emotionally. I am too so I'm sorry but no wise thoughts there. But everything is supposed to have a silver lining right?! I've found a few in my condition.
1. The freedom to wear sweatpants everywhere. This just has to be number one.
2. All the pampering and love from everyone.
3. You don't have to do anything other than ordering people around to do stuff for you.
But let's talk about emotional pain for a minute. I remember crying like this only when i lost two people who were really close to me, one of them in the literal sense of the term lose and the other well wutevs. In any case what i realised is that we don't cry so much because of the pain because then i would've cried pretty much as soon as i got hurt but more because of the helplessness which accompanies pain. No matter how hard you try to ignore the pain, emotional or physical, it catches up. You can run but you can't hide and you really can't run forever. What i've learned it that it's okay to have an almost nervous breakdown on the bathroom floor and cry your heart out just because you can't change into your sweatpants in spite of being home. It's also okay to sit at home like a sick person when you are a sick person! You really don't have to pretend to be strong all the time. It's okay to cry in front of some people or on the bathroom floor. Sometimes there's strength in admitting that you are weak :)
